One Month

Today marks one month since Dad passed away.  Mom and I have been overwhelmed by your show of love and support through your cards, notes, and phone calls.  It has been so nice to hear how Dad has touched so many of your lives through his. 

We have tried to figure out the best way to handle a memorial service for Dad given the many places he has lived and worked and the fact that our family is spread out across the country.  We have finally determined to have a family memorial service in Minot, ND.  We chose Minot as most of Dad's brothers and sisters live in the area, and that he asked to be buried in the family plot near the family farm outside of Minot.

The memorial service will be at 2:00 on May 24th at Our Redeemer's Lutheran Brethren Church.  We're holding a family memorial service, not to exclude anyone who may wish to come, but with the understanding that there are many who may want to send condolences that would not wish to or be able to travel to the middle of North Dakota, and we hold no expectations that anyone other than family would attend.

Mom and I are continuing to pack up the house in Stanwood with the hope of moving Mom to Rochester after the memorial service.  While we've all been through this process many times in our family's life, it is exhausting work, and we all notice Dad's absence acutely each time we try to figure out the best way to pack a trailer or disassemble furniture.  But, we are pressing on and making progress.

Remembered

Last week Mom and I wrote and submitted obituaries for the Everett and Stanwood papers.  The shortened blurb appeared in the Stanwood paper today. http://www.scnews.com/news/2013-04-16/Obituaries/REV_DALE_E_CARLSON.html 

We're still working on a more detailed version that will appear in the Minot paper, but even that seems so limited.  I decided to write my own and post it here.  

Dad was part of large family.  The first surviving child of Oliver and June.  Dad grew up surrounded by aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents  and soon sisters and brothers who worked and played like Carlsons (and Petersons and Martins).  While I have not met all, or maybe even most, of Dad’s cousins, I feel like I know so many from the stories Dad told about growing up surrounded by so many.

Dad was interested in genealogy and kept extensive records of his and mom’s family and ancestry.  He also enjoyed connecting with distant family and sharing what he was able to find out about the family history with anyone who would listen.

Dad loved growing up on the farm and took advantage of getting on a tractor any chance he could.  When returning to the farm outside of Minot, plowing fields in Frontier, joining in at harvest time in Mayville, or using the riding mower in the yard at home. 

Dad had a love of nature and taught me to keep a pair of binoculars in the car, and to take time to stop and use them, whether to look for birds in Nerstrand, seals at Deception Pass, or gophers at the rest area in Beach.  He was the one who always knew what crop was growing in the fields we passed by, and what animal was on the side of the road.  He would often be the only one to spot a pheasant or a hawk on a long drive across the prairies, and despite our lack of interest, always maintained a curiosity and desire to share the sights.  The field guides to local birds were well worn and Dad enjoyed watching the varieties that came to his many bird feeders, or could be found on a walk around the neighborhood. 

Dad loved a good joke almost as much as he loved a stupid pun.  Word games, crossword puzzles, Sudoku, jumbles, Rook, Hearts, Dutch Blitz, Huggermugger, 5 straight, Balderdash, or just a puzzle, his mind was working and he was usually whistling or singing while concentrating.  He was often the first up and had the newspaper word games done before the coffee was made.  He enjoyed the Sunday comics with Shoe, Wizard of Id, Hagar the Horrible, Tumbleweeds, Herman, Dilbert, and Calvin and Hobbes among the favorites.

Dad was a pastor for most of his life, and would have celebrated 40 years this spring.  He loved his job and even the challenges that come with serving. A couple of years ago he and I went out to breakfast and he was talking about the work he was doing as a chaplain at the nursing home in town and at the hospital in Mt. Vernon (a town not far away) and he was telling me how much he had enjoyed pulpit ministry over the years, but that he was well suited for the chaplain work he was doing at the time, and what a privilege it was for him to talk to people, pray for people, minister to people at a time when they are often looking for answers and receptive to hearing God’s word.  Yes, he was content with the work God gave him to do over his lifetime and while the path was not always what he anticipated, he found joy along the journey. 

Of course, Dad held many other part-time jobs in addition to the pastorate.  He worked in the stockyards in college, was a milkman during seminary, worked in the fields in Frontier, delivered newspapers and delivered packages in Edmonton, drove school bus in Faribault, helped harvest in Mayville, worked as a youth counselor at Elmore Academy while living in Blue Earth, painted houses with friends in Stanwood, and worked as a parking attendant at Lights of Christmas in Warm Beach

Woodworking has long been something Dad has enjoyed.  And while he was admittedly never the most technically skilled, we all own pieces he made with love.   

And Dad loved to sing.  While he could not read music, he had a beautiful voice and truly enjoyed any chance he had to sing. Whether leading songs at church, or singing with choirs for Christmas, or just whistling a tune while replacing the garbage disposal, music was always a part of his day.  His repertoire extended from Charles Wesley to Kenny Rogers.  From long days of listening to radio on the farm, and long stretches of a.m. radio driving “home” to Minot or Glendive, we were always amazed at the songs he knew.  He was truly the best partner for the Entertainment pie in Trivial Pursuit.

And throughout all of Dad’s interests and hobbies, the real love was the people he would meet and the ways he could connect to people through discussions and shared interests.  Whether talking to Hilmar Albrecht in his wood shop, or listening to bird calls with Harald Bliss, or herding sheep with Harlan Erickson, or singing hymns in the onsen with Pastor Miyakawa, Dad loved the connections with people.  In September, when Dad was in the hospital for 8 days, Mom and I would come in each morning and Dad would have a story to tell about the conversation he had with the nurse, or the aide who transported him, or the tech who took the x-ray, or the custodian who came in at sunrise.  He always found a way to connect with everyone.  Usually it was a shared interest in something.  “Sue lived in Jordan, Montana for awhile” “Tom grew up on a farm and he drove an old Oliver kind of like the one we had” “Mary’s granddaughter works in Rochester”  It was a gift the way Dad could draw people out and find a way to connect.

The last few days with Dad were difficult, but a true privilege for me to be able to care for him as he had cared for others.  He asked that I sing “And Can It Be” a few times in that last two weeks, and asked that I send the words to most everyone who wrote or called in the days when he was still talking, and so I think I will end this with that song.  “All four verses” as he requested.

And can it be that I should gain
an int'rest in the Savior's blood?
Died He for me, who caused His pain?
For me, who Him to death pursued?
Amazing love! how can it be
That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me?

Amazing love! how can it be
That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me.

He left His Father's throne above,
So free, so infinite His grace;
Emptied Himself of all but love,
And bled for Adam's helpless race;
'Tis mercy all, immense and free
For, O my God, it found out me.

Amazing love! how can it be
That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me.

Long my imprisoned spirit lay 
Fast bound in sin and nature's night
Thine eye diffused a quick'ning ray,
I woke the dungeon flamed with light;
My chains fell off, my heart was free;
I rose, went forth and followed Thee.

Amazing love! how can it be
That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me.

No condemnation now I dread;
Jesus, and all in Him, is mine!
Alive in Him, my living Head,
And clothed in righteousness divine,
Bold I approach th'eternal throne,
And claim the crown, through Christ alone.

Amazing love! how can it be
That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me.

Plans

The outpouring of love from so many friends and family has been incredible.  Thank you to those of you who sent messages via cards, facebook, this blog, phone calls, or e-mail.  It has been so nice to be surrounded by love and sweet memories of Dad. 

We are still in the process of making memorial arrangements, but have decided that it will be in Minot sometime in May. 

Mom and I will be in Stanwood for a few weeks yet.  It has been great to have Nathan here this week working on lawn mowers and cars and all that "stuff" in the garage.  Andy and his two oldest kids will be coming on Saturday the same day Nathan flies home, and it will be nice to have them here too. 

Because some have asked for an address to send condolences, Mom has given me permission to post her address.  It is
8022 Olympic View Place
Stanwood, WA 98292

Answered Prayer

Our prayers for peace and comfort have been answered with open arms and "yes, come home" this morning.  The suffering and pain is past, and he is home.

Dad told everyone he talked to since the last doctors visit, the Howard Hendricks quote spoken at his funeral in February.

"I'm leaving the land of the dying for the land of the living"

Mom read Psalm 116 to Dad last night and it was such a comfort to us. 

Psalm 116

1 I love the Lord, for he heard my voice;

he heard my cry for mercy.

2 Because he turned his ear to me,

I will call on him as long as I live.

3 The cords of death entangled me,

the anguish of the grave came over me;

I was overcome by distress and sorrow.

4 Then I called on the name of the Lord:

“Lord, save me!”

5 The Lord is gracious and righteous;

our God is full of compassion.

6 The Lord protects the unwary;

when I was brought low, he saved me.

7 Return to your rest, my soul,

for the Lord has been good to you.

8 For you, Lord, have delivered me from death,

my eyes from tears,

my feet from stumbling,

9 that I may walk before the Lord

in the land of the living.

10 I trusted in the Lord when I said,

“I am greatly afflicted”;

11 in my alarm I said,

“Everyone is a liar.”

12 What shall I return to the Lord

for all his goodness to me?

13 I will lift up the cup of salvation

and call on the name of the Lord.

14 I will fulfill my vows to the Lord

in the presence of all his people.

15 Precious in the sight of the Lord

is the death of his faithful servants.

16 Truly I am your servant, Lord;

I serve you just as my mother did;

you have freed me from my chains.

17 I will sacrifice a thank offering to you

and call on the name of the Lord.

18 I will fulfill my vows to the Lord

in the presence of all his people,

19 in the courts of the house of the Lord—

in your midst, Jerusalem.

Praise the Lord.

You know

I read this Psalm last night and many pieces had special significance for us.

You have searched me, Lord,

and you know me.

2 You know when I sit and when I rise;

you perceive my thoughts from afar.

3 You discern my going out and my lying down;

you are familiar with all my ways.

4 Before a word is on my tongue

you, Lord, know it completely.

5 You hem me in behind and before,

and you lay your hand upon me.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit?

Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

if I settle on the far side of the sea,

10 even there your hand will guide me,

your right hand will hold me fast.

11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me

and the light become night around me,”

12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;

the night will shine like the day,

for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place,

when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;

all the days ordained for me were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!

How vast is the sum of them!

18 Were I to count them,

they would outnumber the grains of sand—

when I awake, I am still with you.

19 If only you, God, would slay the wicked!

Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!

20 They speak of you with evil intent;

your adversaries misuse your name.

21 Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,

and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?

22 I have nothing but hatred for them;

I count them my enemies.

23 Search me, God, and know my heart;

test me and know my anxious thoughts.

24 See if there is any offensive way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting.

  Dad is continuing to grow weaker and we're wondering if he is starting to lose some cognition, but he is continuing to surprise us with his humor and his strength, and even got out of bed today when hospice came to install a mattress thing to help relieve the pressure on his tailbone. Where he found the strength to sit up, much less stand, we do not know.  Mom and I are convinced it was sheer stubborn determination alone. 

The vomiting is better, perhaps due in part to his weakening, but we are grateful.  He was able to sleep for almost an hour at a time last night, which is also a blessing and this allows Mom to get some sleep too.

Please keep praying for comfort and rest.  We know that He who created our inmost being  knew the days ordained for Dad before one of them came to be.  We know that these days too are in his control.

Easter Sunday

Easter has always been one of my favorite holidays.  The hope and promise of the risen Lord shines through in the music, the excitement in the early morning, and the promise of spring in the air.  This Easter was much quieter than other years, but a good day none the less.  Dad's retching has calmed down quite a bit.  Last night could not be called pleasant, but was better as there were longer lengths of time where his stomach was calm enough to allow him to rest and sleep.  We are so grateful for your prayers, and for a God who hears the cries of his children.

When I got here on Tuesday, Dad was spending a large part of his day in the living room, either on the couch or in the chair, and as will come to no surprise to those of you who followed his journey last year, he was walking laps in the house a few times a day.  Yesterday (Saturday), he was able to move to walk to the living room and spent a few hours with us sitting up in a chair, mostly drifting in and out of sleep, but no walking around other than the trip from the bedroom to the living room.  Mom and I were discussing the modern day traditions of Passover and didn't really think Dad was paying attention, but he surprised both of us by joining in the conversation a bit and defining a Hebrew term we were discussing. 

Today, he was not able to make it to the living room and spent the day in his room, and not much talking.  He is noticeably weakening as dehydration and electrolyte imbalance settle in deeper.  However, as I was sitting with him this morning, and just talking about not much of anything, I mentioned that I might go out and prune the blackberry bushes sometime this week, he did rouse enough to say "hedge trimmers... behind the blazer"  That is so my Dad. :)

We received a few phone calls today from family and friends and it is always good to talk.  While Dad is not up to talking to anyone in person, Mom and I passed on the greetings that were sent via phone and facebook to Dad, and he was smiling at the pictures of cute kids in their Easter finery.  A friend from the church in Bellingham asked that we tell Dad that he prayed through Matthew 25 for Dad today.  We passed that message on, and while I wasn't positive he understood, this evening he asked me to read him the passage, which I did (the parable of the talents "well done good and faithful servant"). As Dad was drifting in and out as I read, I continued on through the end of Matthew to read the the Easter story.  Dad woke up enough at one point to apologize for sleeping, and I reassured him that it was just fine and asked if it was OK if I sang some hymns while he slept.  He nodded his assent and I sang "how great thou art" in my warbling way, again not sure how much Dad was aware of what was being said/sung, but when I got to the verse
 "And when I think
that God, His Son not sparing,
Sent Him to die,
I scarce can take it in -
That on the cross,
my burden gladly bearing,
He bled and died
to take away my sin!"

Dad lifted up his hand and pointed to himself and raised his hand in adoration.
When I finished he asked for "And Can it Be" which I sang and then went on to sing other favorites of mine and his.  He had eyes closed and not too responsive for most of this, but a couple of times I asked if I should continue and he nodded that I should.  It was a sweet time of fellowship with him.

Thank you all for your prayers and words of encouragement for all of us.  We sense them mightily and are grateful for each one of you.  Praise God that we serve a Risen Savior.  His grace is sufficient

Prayer request

It was a difficult night for Dad.  Could I ask that you please pray for some relief from the deep retching.  His body is reacting to the location of the cancer (in his abdomen) the rearrangment of his stomach and removal of most of his esophagus at surgery in September by trying to expel the contents of anything (everything?) inside. While he is not taking in anything more than ice chips and a few sips of ginger ale, there is still bile and other things the body is producing that he is trying to expel.

This causes some obvious problems with medications and amount that may be in his system.  The drugs he's been taking for the last week or so are all the kind that dissolve in his mouth (not swallowed). But we're still unsure how much is staying in his systme. Yesterday, our hospice nurse worked with the pharmacy to create a "lotion" that can be applied on the skin with some of the drugs including one that is supposed to help relax the muscles and help relieve the vomiting.  We tried this for the first time last night, but so far we haven't seen much difference.  We're hoping that giving it a little more time to work into his system will help.

Mom is so very strong and is by his side constantly doing all the gross work involved with this without any complaint but also without any real rest.

Please pray for
1. Relief from the retching
2. Wisdom to know which drugs help
3. Method of application of the drugs that will penetrate to provide relief
4. Peace

Maundy Thursday

Thank you so much to all of you who have been praying for us.  I (Sara) am in Washington and enjoying my time with Mom and Dad.  Dad is very sick and it is difficult to see him so frail, but we are all so grateful that we know that this time is only temporary and our true home is waiting for us. 

Dad has some good moments and some not so good moments.  Yesterday was a relatively good day.  So much so that he was able to give me instructions on reassembling the lawn mower and even an in-bed tutorial on the weed wacker.

Today is a bit tougher and not as active as we are letting the morphine do it's work and letting Dad sleep as much as he can.

Keep praying for comfort and rest for Dad, and the same for Mom.

Plans

Was it really only a week ago that we got the report that Dad's cancer has returned?  It feels like a lifetime.  This has been a week of planning and preparation.

I (Sara) will be flying to Washington on Monday, Mar 25, and both the boys have tickets to come out in in the following weeks. Nathan to get there on April 6, and Andrew on the 13th.  I am so blessed to have a job that will allow me to work from Washington, but my supervisor and other leadership in the department have assured me that I can take all the time I need and to not have to worry about trying to get hours in.  My work life over the past two years including my current position, which it turns out I love, has been such a clear example of God going before me to prepare Good for me and not Disaster.  I am truly grateful for the position and my co-workers.

Mom and Dad have also been making plans this week.  From conversations with hospice to finalizing taxes, they have been busy.  Dad is tired very quickly and it sounds as though the cancer in the abdomen is advancing very quickly. It may be days or a few weeks that we have left with Dad, but as Mom reassured me last night, this too is in God's hands and His timing is perfect.

Specific prayer requests
1. Comfort from pain - Dad was given multiple drugs for pain this week. Please pray for wisdom for both Mom and Dad as they figure out doses and combinations of these new drugs

2. Traveling mercies - We live in a day where we can get across the country in hours, but Monday will still be a long day with a couple of shuttles, a couple of planes, and a couple of car rides.

3. Wisdom - For all of us as we figure out the questions to ask of the doctors, hospice workers, and each other.

4. Glory to God - Please pray that God would be glorified in our words and actions to all those around us.  From co-workers to cab drivers to our kids we'll be having conversations about many things and opportunities to go deeper into who God is than we may have ever before.  Please pray that God's goodness would shine through even in our pain.

Always

Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: Rejoice! Philippians 4:4

Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior Habakkuk 3:18

It is with an aching heart that I write these words. After receiving a positive report at his 3-month scan in December, now at six months Dad’s cancer has returned and seemingly with a vengeance. Perhaps at some point I’ll write about the details and the new anatomy terms I have learned this week (who knew there was an omentum, and that it had anything to do with cake?), but suffice it to say that the cancer from his esophagus that we knew had entered his lymph nodes has now moved (metastasized) into his abdomen.

Mom and Dad met yesterday (Thursday afternoon) with the oncologist in Everett to discuss the results of the CT scan that was done on Wednesday. I have not yet heard the details of this discussion, but the end result was that Mom and Dad will be looking into hospice care for the next month or so. We are a bit in shock right now and will be making lots of decisions in the coming days about lots of things, but wanted to let you, our family and friends, who have been so faithful in praying for us and encouraging us, know what is happening.

I know that both Mom and Dad would like to talk to so many of you in person, and I hope that you are not offended to find out this way, but we wanted to get the word out and start the prayers as soon as possible and thought that everyone hearing at one time may be better than telling some and inadvertently “missing” others.

There are a number of verses that have been running through my mind over the last 12 hours.  You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you (Isaiah 26:3).  Therefore, prepare your minds for action, be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed (I Peter 1:13). But for some reason Philippians 4:4 is going over and over in my mind. This is one of those “always” time that rejoicing is difficult, but I am clinging to the command to rejoice, knowing that God is in control of all of this, and in that I can rejoice.